archwrites: I just really love the fics where clearly SHIELD has the foresight to make the Avengers designate sex pollen partners
daroos: Look someone in SHIELD HR was a HUGE TOS fan
sungun: that person in SHIELD deserves an award
Kweh: I just want a fic about Steve having to fill those out and pick a sex pollen buddy.
copperbadge: Poor Steve, going up to everyone intending to ask them to be his pollen partner
copperbadge: Failing to ask a single person
copperbadge: He finally designates “Whoever volunteers”
copperbadge: The one time he gets pollinated, a fistfight breaks out amongst volunteers
archwrites: oh god steve
copperbadge: Finally decided by Maria Hill flipping a coinI leave both the winner and the loser of the final coin toss to your imaginations.
Tag: captain ameribabe
please consider the fact that steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america probably got the bulk of his sex education from a pack of chorus girls
and like obviously you could jump to the conclusion that he had a bunch of educational sex romps with a harem of hot young ladies but if you have ever hung out with a pack of women for any significant length of time you will probably have observed them discuss every single facet of every single sexual encounter with every single romantic partner with one another, while cackling.
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america sitting at the very end of the makeup trailer, meekly brushing a chorus girl’s hair, as six other girls share a bottle of gin and compare the median dick length of hook-ups in the west coast vs the east and how that might correlate with willingness to give head and a seventh girl keeps making lesbian jokes
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america realizing all of bucky’s romantic ‘conquests’ probably went straight back to their friends and reported on his performance and suddenly being really glad he’s a virgin
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america on one of his sadness errands goes to visit the last chorus girl in her nursing home and she’s like ninety and hooked up to a wheely oxygen tank and knitting some baby booties for her great-grandkid and she asks him right there in front of all the cameras, ‘you found a nice young man to pop that cherry of yours yet, rogers?’ and he goes ‘i’m waiting till you die, ethel, the last thing i need is another lecture on the clap’
the morning after sam and steve do it, steve resignedly answers his cellphone to the dulcet tones of a cackling ninety year old woman with a lecture for him on the clap.
A huge amount of MCU fic features Steve Rogers the wonderful, caring, sensitive, supportive boyfriend, and I uh. Kind of want the opposite.
Don’t get me wrong, any “Steve is a godawful boyfriend” headcanon should still start from the baseline of Steve being a good person who cares about Doing The Right Thing and treating people decently. But Steve is also:
– married to his job
– kind of emotionally constipated
– quick to anger
– prickly about receiving comfort, and awkward about giving it
– blunt and plain-spoken
– prone to expecting a lot of the people around him, and to being openly disappointed/unimpressed when they don’t come through
– going to put duty ahead of personal attachments most of the time
– withdrawn and socially isolated
– reckless, stubborn, and the kind of prideful that answers anything that can be taken as a challenge with “wanna bet?”
– a lifelong dweeb who has never been in a romantic relationship and has no experience in how they workWhich is a set of issues that could range anywhere from “highly manageable, if you aren’t afraid to go toe-to-toe with him and don’t expect him to be available 24/7″ to “un-dateable human disaster.” Going by my fairly limited experience with comics, there is precedent for the “un-dateable human disaster” option; MCU doesn’t have to follow it, but it wouldn’t be out of the blue. And let’s face it, MCU Steve could use some better-developed flaws.
And oh my lord, Godawful Boyfriend Steve Rogers. Swears he’s not trying to set a record for number of consecutive dinner dates he’s bailed out of halfway through to go Avenging. Fails epically at normal emotional boundaries–is cagey and withdrawn about the weirdest shit, but overshares about his Dead Best Friend Feelings on the first date. Goes abruptly from zero to full commitment once he decides he’s found the Right Partner. Guilt-trips like a pro, and sometimes forgets how fucking intimidating he is when he’s pissed off.
Takes an “if you get killed, walk it off” approach to almost all life difficulties. Will always come through with material and moral support in an emergency, but clams up and flees rather than be a shoulder to cry on. Wouldn’t know work/life separation if it clocked him over the head.
Don’t get me wrong, Steve’s a nice dude, and unlike most angry repressed masculinity-stereotype characters, he’s capable of being forthright about his feelings when it counts. But there’s plenty of potential there for him to be flat-out fucking terrible at romantic relationships. And even at his best… well, “sensitive” isn’t exactly the word I would use. Considerate, sure. Solicitous of whether he’s saying/doing the exact best possible thing for someone else’s emotional wellbeing, not so much.
Heart eyes, Steve Rogers edition.
kototyph 