spoonyruncible:

I do feel bad for plants in general.
Like, I know they are often as vicious as animals in many ways, just slower.
But, I mean, they just show up and they’re like, “I Think I Will Evolve To Eat The Sun And Also Make Oxygen And How Now Is All This.”
And, like, everything fucking dies at first (totally not plants fault, btw. okay maybe it was but they didn’t mean to) but then new things evolve.
And they’re like, “Fuck it, eating each other suuuucks. Let’s eat the plants which give us life.”
And so we start doing that.
And plants are all, “Oh Dear No, I Do Not Care At All For Being Eaten. I Will Make Myself Into Poison Sometimes.”
But, y’know, stuff kept eating plants anyway so plants, ever the bro, came up with a new idea. “I Have Made A Decision About Being Eaten And You May Eat Me Friends And Here Is An Especially Tasty Bit Packed All Full of Delicious Sugars Which I Have Produced At Great Cost (What They Do Not Know Is That My Seeds Are Within And Shall Be Propagated Near And Far By Their Dung)“
But that’s not good enough for animals, no, not at all.
We love the fuck out of some pomegranates but also alliums which are like, “I Have Not Decided To Go In For This Being Eaten Business. I Shall Be Very Foul Tasting And Also A Poison.”
But no, sorry, onions, you fucked up.
You accidentally wound up with a species that just doesn’t give up or fully comprehend the idea of things tasting “”‘bad’“’ or other concepts like not eating poison. (Sorry, plants, later we turn some of you who are not poison into a poison we consume recreationally. We really enjoy eating poison.) 
Legit, alliums are deadly to, like, every other species.
And we call them aromatics and throw them in everything.
Peppers are the best, though.
They completely got on the being eaten train.
BUT ONLY BIRDS
Peppers are like, “You May Eat Me, Fair Avian, For You Are Sure To Spread Me A Great Distance. But, Mammal, Take HEED. Should You Eat Me Then I Will Burn You Most Terribly.”
And we were all about that.
“The FUCK, burning? I love pain,” said humans, presumably.
“You know, peppers, you and evolution have done a good job at burning us but I am pretty sure we could make your chemical agony even more potent. Come hang with us,” humans added to a very confused pepper just before creating the ghost chili.

elodieunderglass:

appetite-and-iron:

thedevilsofficialblog:

island-delver-go:

oppa-homeless-style:

actuallyjuststealingmemes:

water-based-introspection:

just-shower-thoughts:

It was kind of a dick move to create animals that require air, then confine them to the freaking ocean

If you are talking about dolphins they used to be wolf like creatures that due to scarcity of food they had to hunt in water so they slowly evolved into water mammals, dolphins still have claw bones but they are unnecessary and dolphins will get rid of them with time and will develop abilities to breath under water

(This also partially applies to whales)

They were what now?

Mother Nature, come out here I just want to talk

@elodieunderglass horrible things with legs?

 Thank you so much!!!! Ancestral creatures are Gorgeous, Valid, Perfectly Reasonable things with legs.

In regards to the first comment, most things in the ocean perform gas exchange anyway so it isn’t that bold of a move – in some respects it’s kind of a fool’s move of terrestrial animals to leave the saline bath that life started off in, since we now have to lug our dumb bodies around, full of carefully balanced metaphorical-saltwater, because our cells are just Like That

regarding the second comment on this thread, dolphins are probably fine mostly as they are, and I would not expect them to “lose” attributes to demonstrate their “evolving/progressing away from their origins.“  People think that evolution is like an unstoppable escalator that either kills you or forcibly moves you from primitive things to sophisticated things, but it isn’t. Things don’t become More Thingish with Time, that’s not how evolution works.

There is no particular evolutionary pressure on dolphins to lose traits that suit their lifestyles perfectly well. Most of the high-pressure challenges that wild dolphins face today – fishing activities, pollution, habitat destruction, food network disruption and climate change – are not going to exert evolutionary pressure on remnant bones; and the act of breathing appears to be as natural to dolphins as, well, breathing. 

For example, being able to breathe surface air means that dolphins and whales can move through water that has very low quantities of oxygen (such as highly polluted water) where fish cannot survive, because there is not enough oxygen diffused in the water to maintain a constant supply for fish; whales and dolphins can simply surface to take a gulp of air. 

With enormous lungs that are adapted to holding breath for incredibly long periods of time, whales and dolphins can essentially scuba-dive to areas of the ocean that other animals cannot access, as well as eying up things above the surface of the water. In a rapidly changing environment, with food/climate/water all doing things they’ve NEVER done before, this offbeat mammalian funkiness may even be the key towards sticking around and surviving a weird period of history.

Anyway, these are Valid Historical Legges, and evolution is not a straight line from Bad Animals to Good Progressive Animals. As evidenced by how excellent and powerful these ancestral beasties are. They may be ancestral but they are MAGNIFICENT

pictured: a good girl, valid and perfect in herself, a stage of someone else’s evolution but also perfectly complete in herself, somebody’s daughter and somebody’s ancestor but also just somebody in her own right, perhaps not as good at swimming as the cetaceans of the future, but perfectly acceptable in her moment of history, and in all other moments