“Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.”
“Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in.”
“I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins.”
“Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment.”
“Witches aren’t like that. We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.”
“Trouble is, just because things are obvious doesn’t mean they’re true.”
“We ain’t going to curse anyone. It hardly ever works if they don’t know you’ve done it.”
“No gods anywhere play chess. They haven’t got the imagination. Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion.”
“Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?”
“Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?”
“Steal five dollars and you’re a common thief. Steal thousands and you’re either the government or a hero.”
“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”
“What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.”
“You know how to pray, don’t you? Just put your hands together and hope.”
“Welcome to fear. It’s hope, turned inside out. You know it can’t go wrong, you’re sure it can’t go wrong…But it might.”
“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
“Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.”
“Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs.”
“There is always time for another last minute.”
“Hello, inner child, I’m the inner babysitter!”
“That’s not fair, you know. If we knew when we were going to die, people would lead better lives.”
“I’VE NEVER BEEN VERY SURE ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT. I AM NOT SURE THERE IS SUCH A THING AS RIGHT. OR WRONG. JUST PLACES TO STAND.”
“It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
“Assassins have a certain code, after all. It’s dishonorable to kill someone if you aren’t being paid.”
“Don’t stick your nose where someone can pull it off and eat it.”
“People ought to think for themselves… The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to.”
“He could think in italics. Such people need watching. Preferably from a safe distance.”
“Aargh! I’m too short for this shit!”
“Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.”
“There’s nothing more useless in the world than a groom just before the wedding.”
“How many dishonorable discharges have you had?”
“The air smelled of a limited life expectancy.”