I want an inverse spy flick. The spy is a woman. Her whole team is made up of diverse women. All the villains are women. There is only one man in the entire movie and he is a Strong Male Character who is like 25 and decently ripped and has a scene where he slowly steps out of a pool wearing speedos because he is Confident and In Control of His Sexuality. We see his ass when he has to tug down his pants to get at the knife strapped to his thigh. His nipples are always erect for no fucking reason.
They are undercover in a nightclub. In order to keep their cover from being blown, he has to kiss another man.
He knits to relieve stress and to keep his mind sharp. It is never discussed by any of the characters.
Someone asks him how he knows how to do Traditionally Feminine Thing. “I have four sisters,” he answers.
This is also how he knows how to fight while armed with nothing but a purse, a high heel shoe, and a can of hair spray. During this fight, he is, for no apparent reason, shirtless.
The lead spy is Helen Mirren. She nails the Action Boy in the shower. There’s a lot of lingering closeups on the way the shower spray runs across his breathlessly ecstatic face. We also hear every breathless whimper of his climax, while out in the hallway Lucy Liu is smoking impatiently, a duffel bag full of rocket launchers slung over her shoulder. The President isn’t going to kidnap herself, here, christ.
Action Boy emerges in a small towel, sheepish yet radiant. Helen Mirren emerges in a tuxedo, also smoking, also with a duffel bag of rocket launchers.
In one scene, the lead villain captures the Strong Male Character. He is, once more, inexplicably shirtless as she ties him to the chair. He makes some quips about his sexual independence before he is rescued by a sweat-drenched Helen Mirren, who kicks down the door and nukes everyone in the room. Strong Male Character’s hair remains perfect throughout the ordeal.
Month: January 2016
I need a beta for a pinch-hit ficlet! Who’s up for it?
me: you know? I’ve actually been feeling like a big bag turds lately and? ??? why
my period, fifteen minutes later: SURPRISE MOTHERHUGGER HOPE YOU DIDN’T LIKE THAT UNDERWEAR DRESS TIGHTS OR OFFICE CHAIR
So apparently calling cards were the Victorian Tinder and I’m gonna need some fic about that.
types of tumblr taggers
the silent one: literally vacant, you wonder if he’s real and has a soul
the berserker: you can’t tell if s/he is the one destroyed or the keyboard
#KSJDKFHGFAL, #ALYAJ, #WHOW, #SOOA, #GOJOD!!, #LKEI!!, #WWO!!, #YAHAH FHITHS NYOA SDOGOSAthe complimenter: compliments anything, especially the friends
#so beautiful!, #I love you, #<3<3<3 wowowow!!!the over-organized one: tagging every detail, super organized
#gif, #fan art, #art by op, #not my gif, #edit, #edit by op, #picture, #face, #doorthe hater: reblogs something to spread the rage in the tags
#so ugly, #I hate this ship, #ugly edit, #I hate you all, #you all need jesusthe blogger who’s constantly queueing posts: seriously, where are they
#queue, #q: not here, #queueue, #qthe jerk: adds jokes, mainly about himself
#this monkey looks like me, #hahah me, #I’m the garbage canthe lost one: adds tags which have nothing to do with the post
#oh man I gotta study what am I doing here, #gotta do the dishes, #mom’s angrythe criticiser: silently adds some recommendations
#this is good but I don’t get this one bc .., #pls change this into …the squad member: tagging all friends, confusing everyone but the squad
#fred, #harry, #janice, #squad look at thisthe ruler of punctuation: adding nothing but punctuation characters no one but themselves can decipher
#!!!!!!!, #?!!!?!?!?!, #…:::, #!.!:.!:the thirsty ones: mainly over people or characters they cannot reach in real life
#I love him, #he’s mine, #my husband, #my waifu, #AAAHHH he’s so hotthe mad one or that’s what you think: #ok #good
the one consistently using secret tags for anything: #my husband, #my son, #smirko
the constant screamer: #WOOOOOOOOAHHHHH!!!!!!, #AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, #CRYING!!!, #OMG, #NHHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, #WHAT IS THIS I CAN’T TELL, #MAN THIS SHIT’S SO REAL
the constant laugher: #AHAHAHAHHA, #AHUHGAHGAHGHYA, #JAJAQJJAJJAJ, #XAXHAXHAXA, #SDKASJDKAYAYAJHAHA, #HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
the one on the verge of death: #I canyat bretahe, #hkeop, #helpppppp, #aahhhhhhhh, #hjsdfhakrefregreg
the priest: adding wise and (long) quotes
#why are you people like that? everytime I see this I ………, #this life is awful and so are you people, #make a change and start with yourselfthe forgetful: tags everything in a mass because s/he can’t remember the tags
#sherlock holmes, #holmes sherlock, #sherry, #sh, #hs, #sher, #lock, #shrlckthe one who always gets reminded of something sad: #I miss you #this cat reminds me of jess, #come back, #jack come back, #I hate my job
Anyone have a fic rec?
Um, yeah, NO. Mostly because of this sentence in the terms and conditions:
Entries become sole property of Sponsor and none will be acknowledged or returned.
I encourage everyone to boost this, please don’t let anyone you know who writes fic to enter this contest.
For my fic writing friends.
It’s incredible that this is a promotion about how Entertainment Weekly has literally zero idea how fanfiction actually works.
“Write us a piece of fanfiction – don’t post it anywhere, so no one knows you wrote it – and we’re going to repost it as some dope hetero 50-Shades sexing, claim all credit and recognition, edit it if we want to, and completely ignore the fact that fanfic, in itself, is not actually okay with most original content holders. LET ALONE profiting off of it. Which is what we’d be doing – selling fucking magazines off the work you gave us for free you absolute sucker. Also here’s a screencap of the greatest example of fanfic bastardization and bullshit profiteering in history thus far.”
Get. Away. From. My. Writers.
Get the fuck away from my writers.
Don’t let your friends do this. Protect fanartists at all costs.
Don’t do this. Spread the word.
that misuse of commas things sounds like my last shitty creative writing teacher, who downgraded several of my essays and pieces purely because she didn’t think i was using commas well. how boring and awful do you have to be to leave a comment like that and care THAT MUCH about how commas are used like please just Go Away eugh lol
COMMAS ARE TO BE RATIONED CAREFULLY AND ONLY USED IN CASES OF DIRE NEED. OUR PLANET’S COMMA STOCK WAS GREATLY DEPLETED ROUGHLY 100 YEARS AGO BY PROUST, THAT BEAUTIFUL LONGWINDED BASTARD
Dean, Cas and Sam… And Cas’ wings…XD I don’t even know. XD
—softly, with hands as gentle as rain, I shall strangle him.
Angela Carter, from “The Erl-King” (via foxmvlders)
50 trees I painted one weekend, and a few tiny animations I made yesterday!
kototyph 